Eating Everywhere: Jamaica

Rating Everything I ate in Jamaica

Rule #1: Always leave the resort

Welcome to the official Ms. New Foodie blog! Coinciding with my first post about my solo birthday trip in Jamaica, I figured my first post here should be everything I ate there. This is not going to be pretty. I am an adamant buffet hater and majority of the meals were from the buffet so I didn’t like them. Since I was traveling solo I didn’t really venture out for good eats. The best things I ate were off the resort during excursions and breakfast at the resort wasn’t that bad. Promise I’ll share actual good food. I just find it funny how gross these pictures look in comparison to what I post on my Instagram account.

Random Buffet Dinner

My first meal was dinner at the buffet. I tried the Jamaican hot chocolate aka “cocoa tea” that was being served before you enter the dining area. It’s nothing like American hot chocolate, but reminded me of Haitian hot chocolate. I arrived at the resort at a time where nothing was open so I resorted to a late liquid lunch aka binge drinking. So dinner was pretty much anything thrown on a plate. None of it was good. I hoped the beef patties would have been, but nope, dry and bland. I asked a stranger dining alone if I could sit with her and she said yes. For some reason, dinner is the one meal I don’t like eating alone. She was having dessert. She tried what she thought was a brownie, but it was Jamaican black cake. I honestly should have realized, but I wasn’t sober or interested in any of the food there. She said it wasn’t bad, but when you’re expecting chocolate, it’s a whole different vibe. I was happy I was getting off the resort the next day and could have authentic Jamaican food, because that most definitely was NOT it.

Rating: 2/10 – & that’s generous solely because I wasn’t sober

Authentic Jamaican Lunch

Rating: 9/10 – Nothing in life is perfect, but this meal was the best I had there

Another Random Buffet Dinner

Rating 2/10 – At least there was wine (which honestly wasn’t great either)

Poolside Breakfast

At every Riu I’ve stayed at breakfast is always the best meal. It’s even better when it’s poolside. Can’t go wrong with scrambled eggs, bacon, potatoes and French toast. Bacon could have been crispier, but compared to the dinners, it was fine.

Rating: 7/10 – Can’t go wrong with breakfast with a view, but it’s still a buffet meal

Lunch on a Private Island

Went to Calico Jacks and had the choice of lobster, escovitch fish or jerk chicken. I wanted another Jamaican meal since I wasn’t getting that resort. I went with escovitch fish since I already had jerk chicken. It was fresh and delicious.

Rating: 8.5/10 – Second best meal I had

Burger at Rick’s Cafe

I ordered a burger that came with pineapple at Rick’s Cafe. It was pretty good. Definitely overpriced, because it’s a tourist spot, but it was good and I was hungry. Pineapple on a burger was a surprisingly good pair.

6/10 – Overpriced and nothing special, but way better than the resort food

Buffet Breakfast

Another decent breakfast with a mimosa. The first one had too much orange juice so I had another one (that still had too much), but it was better. The ratio should be full glass of champagne, splash of orange juice for color.

Rating: 7/10 – Breakfast is always fine.

Unacceptable Jerk Chicken

Extremely questionable lunch. The fact that the worst jerk chicken I’ve ever had was in Jamaica upsets me. The festival was dry. Shame on me for putting pizza on my plate again and I don’t even know what the rest was.

Rating: 0/10 – Worst Jamaican meal in Jamaica

Snack Time

This was nachos, fries and a beef patty. It was my last day so I was eating all the meals I could get. The nachos were mediocre. Fries were fine. Beef patty was dry per usual. I had this after drinking for hours though so it managed to hit the spot.

4/10 – The alcohol made this palatable

Italian Restaurant Dinner

This was the first meal I had at a specialty restaurant at the resort. At the Italian restaurant, the appetizers are served at the buffet so I had another random plate of food. None of it was amazing, but it wasn’t terrible. As my entree, I got the salmon which was decent, again, nothing special.

Rating: 4.5/10 – Had another dinner after this one, because it was not satisfying enough

Caribbean Restaurant Dinner

After the Italian restaurant, I checked out Kulinarium, the gourmet Caribbean fusion restaurant. The meal started with the crispy jerk chicken appetizer, which was a tiny little pastry filled with jerk chicken over a shot of jerk sauce with a crispy plantain. It was extra, but it was good. As a starter, I had the tuna tartare with avocado, cucumber and ponzo sauce. It was pretty good. The fish could have been fresher and the avocado had the consistency of grocery store guacamole. The best dish of the meal was the oxtail ravioli with rum and sweet potato. It was unique and flavorful. I enjoyed it. Ended with a chocolate ice cream dessert that was good too. Overall, this was my favorite dinner at the resort.

Rating: 7.5 – Trying too hard with the gourmet theme, but the food was the best tasting

Last Poolside Breakfast

My last meal at the resort was breakfast. It was more like brunch. I added a salad, because I felt like I didn’t get enough greens. It was fine. Breakfast is always fine.

7/10 – Breakfast is always fine.

Airport Fast Food

Before I boarded my flight, I had Dairy Queen for the first time. It was chicken fingers, regular and BBQ flavored with french fries and onion rings. It was your standard bad for you fast food and I had drank a lot before my flight. It would probably be gross to me sobert, but it was fine at the time.

5/10 – Fried food when you’re drunk always hits, but it wasn’t great